when ur eating dinner at your friends house
and their parents start arguing
and you want to ask for the salt
but the salt is right in between their upcoming divorce
ovaries before brovaries
uteruses before duderuses
foods before dudes
fries before guys
macaroni over matrimony
It’s a tale as old as time: boy meets girl, they go to a bar, one suggests a game of pool, and the guy does that awesome “wrap around from behind” move to sexy-explain how to hold the stick right. It’s classic! And if Patrick Swayze taught us anything, it’s that the way to a woman’s heart is to do that from-behind-head-to-toe-grind thing, even if it means never finishing a mug. (Vase? Plate? Who even knows what she was making– barely anything before a manly ghost came along to help.)
Like I always say, nothing pairs better with condescending “lessons” than a hearty serving of full-body touching. But guys, don’t restrict yourself to just billiards and pottery; every day is filled with opportunities to firmly press your boner into someone else’s butt cheek! To illustrate just how welcomed and sensuous the experience can be for a woman, look at all these wonderful examples of physical mansplaining in daily life. Note her face! That is the face of aroused gratitude and definitely not the face of someone who is irritated to the verge of physical violence.
Hi this is me dying bc registration anxiety is a thing hlp I don’t want to take upper division class but like too many highschool credits transferred but wait I didn’t actually learn anything in hs
Dani Daniels, The Whore of Wall Street
Now that’s how you conduct business — Princess style!